omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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