living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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