I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
