Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
