guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
