Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize