ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize