Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
