we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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