he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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