I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
