I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
