the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
