the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
