I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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