She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
