the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
