Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
