Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
