i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
