the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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