worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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