apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
