physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
