hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
