i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize