You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
