the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
