yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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