so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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