Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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