Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
