She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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