Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
