rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize