thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
