Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
