i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
