please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize