so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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