My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
