i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize