Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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