Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
