Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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