yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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