Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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