Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
