I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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