the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
