we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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