We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
