Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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