What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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