started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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