I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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