I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
