I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
