Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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