I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
