people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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