i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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