call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
