Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
