dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
