It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
