Whod you bang
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
