I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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