There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
