he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
