Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
