why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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