can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
