Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
