If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize