This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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