do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
