you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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