But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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