eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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