I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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