Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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