You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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