I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
