Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
