Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
