i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
