Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
