she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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