This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
