Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
